In the 1990s, marine biologists finally broke through observer bias and societal hush-hush, and came out about what’s really going on under the sea. From little Nemo the clownfish to Free Willy the orca, several species have been observed flipping genders and flopping around with the same sex. These “sea queer-tures” are the real ones making waves with copulation, mutual masturbation, gang banging, courtship, and cuddle time. Things really are better and wetter under the sea.
These are our top 3 favorite sea queer-tures that can all be found in the Coral Triangle – where we run our sailing trips.
1. Clownfish. Finding Nemo Got It All Wrong!
Clownfish are born exclusively male, but they can undergo a complete sex change in just 30 days! They live in small groups dominated by one female, who is also the largest fish. She only does her business with the breeding male, normally the second-largest fish. When the female dies (literally the opening scene of Finding Nemo), the breeding male transitions to female and takes her throne.
So actually, Nemo’s dad, Marlin, should have transitioned to female to become Nemo’s new mom, and Nemo should have grown up to become Marlin’s mate. C’mon Pixar, now that’s a great plot!
2. Bottlenose Dolphins. The Ultimate Underwater Bromance.
Dolphins are like the golden retrievers of the sea. They’re cute, friendly, and loyal as hell.
Both sexes have been observed displaying homosexual behavior, including oral action where one dolphin rubs up on the other with its snout. However, it’s the male partnerships that are deeply intimate and long-lasting.
Male couples travel together over long distances, protecting each other from harm like valiant knights of the sea. For example, when one partner sleeps, the other keeps a watch out for sharks and other troublemakers. Even when the dolphins reach sexual maturity and reproduce, the male partnership remains strong. Those lady dolphins are nothing but side chicks.
And here’s the sweetest part (get out your tissues). When one partner dies, the “widower” will grieve and remain alone for a long time. If they do form a new relationship, it’s always with another widower. Cue Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.”
3. Star Fish. Will Mate with Everyone – No Pulse Required!
Perhaps you’ve heard of the notorious “starfish” sex position (simply laying and not moving during sex). Although it’s an accurate comparison in most ways, there’s one aspect of starfish – also known as sea stars – that may surprise you.
Many species of sea stars are both female and male at the same time. They even have sex organs in each arm – can you imagine what jerking off is like?
However, most sea stars cannot self-fertilize…which makes them desperate as hell. Yet, they give zero effort to their lovers. They’re heartless creatures…literally. Instead of blood, sea stars have a circulatory system that’s mostly comprised of seawater. So forget fancy dinners or a bouquet of flowers, starfish are salty for sex, and bang under the belief, “If it moves, mate with it.”
Let us set the scene…
A horny starfish detects the slow movement of a potential lover nearby. They immediately blow their load and become immersed in a romantic cloud of swirling sperm and eggs. They spawn. Maybe they climb on top of each other, maybe they don’t. It doesn’t really matter. Less is more with the starfish – except when it comes to the number of participants. Surrounding starfish join in, increasing the chance of successful reproduction. Then commences the most boring orgy under the sea.
Kinksters come on board, there’s underwater voyeurism and exhibitionism with Everything To Sea. Not only is it easy to see clownfish and sea stars among the coral while snorkeling on our trips, but we often see dolphins playing around our boat too. And who knows what they’re doing…
Do you have a queer spirit animal? Here’s a whole list of queer animals on Wikipedia… Let us know which one resonates the most with you and why in the comments below.